2015 in review


Well, I slacked this year with this blog and my writing in general.  Let’s just call it a break year and wait for 2016 to pick things back up again.  I will say thank you though to all of you who are still following me despite my erratic posting or none at all.  It’s easier to be inspired to get out there and do this with your ongoing support.

Here’s to all of us for 2016 :)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 360 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

On fools and loons


I’m looking at rebooting this character back into Telara, so I’m bumping this post to see what you all think of her ;)

These Things

[[An rp log of a fantastically amusing random meeting of two like minds.  Or the absence of minds, whichever way you look at it.  Credit to Motlèy, the other roleplayer in this scene]]

Motlèy gently pats Muggles.

You gasp at Motlèy.

[Lylah]: You! Touched…
[Lylah]: Mister Muggles! Ya tryin’ t’ get yer finger taken off or somethin’?

Motlèy bites his lip. “He’s sorry! He couldnt help it, practically begged him, it did! The fur, he means. Needs to be petted, it said and so the humble fool was only too happy to oblige.”

Lylah tilts her head one way, and then the other, blinking, an odd look on her face. She flips forward onto her hands and walks around the man in a circle before popping back to land on her toes where she’d been before.

“Hmm, still, he’s fat. As fat as a cat!  He’ll eat anythin’ ya know. Fingers, toes…

View original post 367 more words

More than friends?

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Some time ago now a friend came to me and expressed that they had feelings for me well beyond friendship. We had been close friends for many years, and as such I really did consider them to be one of my best friends and my affections for them were akin to that between siblings. As such a lot was shared between us in a very safe, platonic way.

Whether right or wrong, I felt as if the whole comfortable little bubble of safe, no obligation purely platonic friendship was shattered. That I could not trust them anymore. What could we possibly talk about, or what could I share without it having a different meaning in the way it might be received, as opposed to before?

Maybe nothing could have or should have been different beyond that point. Perhaps our friendship should have remained as it had been for so many years, and I could or should have tactfully declined anything more than what had been. I did decline, for the record, and went on to say that never in a million years would we be anything more.

To make a long story short, let’s just suffice it to say that I reacted badly. I only ever in that situation took into consideration my own feelings on the whole incident, and not theirs. How about the huge amount of courage and trust in me that it took for them to come to me with those words, and declarations? I was, in fact aware of at least a little of their perspective on the situation but I was too selfish to express those things at the time, and if nothing else, it was actually extremely flattering.

The timing was also a little off and I was going through a very messy relationship breakup at the time. I wasn’t equipped to deal with my feelings on my own personal situation at hand let alone something different entirely. I am not trying to make excuses, but merely noting things down with a slightly different perspective now. Hindsight.

Months have gone by. I think it might be close to a year even, maybe more and recently that friend and I have slowly started to talk again and I realized that I carried a lot of guilt following my behavior when our friendship broke down.

I am simply sorry. I want them to know that I am sorry, truly. Good and true friends are extremely few and far between, and although I know that, my behavior can often reflect otherwise. I hope that I am forgiven, also.

Dear friend, you were missed.

Disconnect

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It is not until I find myself with nobody to talk to and almost friendless that I realize I have disconnected with the world again for a period of time.  

I lack the ability to process emotions relating to human relationships these days, more so than ever.  

I want to believe in things as I once did, but I fear I’ve lost my way.  Perhaps permanently.  It saddens me.

distorted time

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days have turned into weeks.

my sense of time has become distorted

underneath a blanket of

long nights full of hours meant for sleep

that rarely comes.

and I can’t help but wonder,

are you awake too

do you see me when you close your eyes

or are your demons larger than me

leaving me in their shadow

as nothing more

than an already fading memory

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