For the smiling, the laughing and the happy times, for those were the happiest of times I’ve known; the feeling of security and belonging like I’ve never felt before. Your acceptance of me for who I am, your support, kindness and unconditional love. These are the things that I don’t wish to or intend to ever forget.
“I’d like to believe that there is healing. It’s a wonderful notion; that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, that loss simply allows us to learn how better to appreciate what we do have for the time that we have it. But… I don’t believe it anymore. People often forget that what remains are memories, and that when a wound heals, it leaves a permanent scar that never fully goes away. I will go on, as I always have done, because I simply have no other choice. But to be perfectly honest, I don’t know how long for because I don’t want to.”
Because you changed the way I see everything. I see and feel you everywhere, in the sunset, in the stars at night, a song on the radio, the numbers on a clock, my dreams. Everywhere. Nothing has been the same since the beginning, and nothing will ever be the same again. I still have a lot to smile about and be grateful for. Especially you. Knowing you, even if for a short time in the larger scheme of everything was nothing short of miraculously unexpected in every way. A one in a million chance, you might even say. The good times, happy days and memories of you far outweigh anything else. But God, do I miss you. Your absence is felt like a part of my actual self is missing. Time, no matter how much passes, will never change that.