For the smiling, the laughing and the happy times, for those were the happiest of times I’ve known; the feeling of security and belonging like I’ve never felt before. Your acceptance of me for who I am, your support, kindness and unconditional love. These are the things that I don’t wish to or intend to ever forget.
“Learn to swim.”
“Strangers passing in the street. By chance two separate glances meet, and I am you and what I see is me.”
“I wrote a letter for you but you didn’t write back
Calm down, I don’t wanna fight like that
I wanna take my life just to give it to you
I wanna make things right
Take my life
I wanna make things right.”
Because you changed the way I see everything. I see and feel you everywhere, in the sunset, in the stars at night, a song on the radio, the numbers on a clock, my dreams. Everywhere. Nothing has been the same since the beginning, and nothing will ever be the same again. I still have a lot to smile about and be grateful for. Especially you. Knowing you, even if for a short time in the larger scheme of everything was nothing short of miraculously unexpected in every way. A one in a million chance, you might even say. The good times, happy days and memories of you far outweigh anything else. But God, do I miss you. Your absence is felt like a part of my actual self is missing. Time, no matter how much passes, will never change that.
I wrote a whole notebook of reasons why, just for and about you. I hope that means something to you, one day, or that it still exists, even. And I still miss you. You see, that’s what happens when you love someone, they’re never out of your thoughts for long, and every day without them just reminds you of their absence and you wonder how and what you did before they were there because you just don’t know what to do anymore now that they are not.
Because we still have so much to talk about, despite you saying there is nothing, or you have nothing. That’s okay, a little silence never hurt anyone. We’ll get back to talking about nothing and everything again soon. It’ll be worth waiting for. For now, I’d like to just sit beside you in silence and hold your hand. Let me do that, would you, please? We can just be, for now.