Reason #69


“Strangers passing in the street. By chance two separate glances meet, and I am you and what I see is me.”

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Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist


This is too good not to share. Hugely useful, informative information. Follow this blog, it’s a life (and sanity) saver.

After Narcissistic Abuse


Self-Doubt

1. YOU DOUBT YOURSELF

Do you recognize that you’re doubting yourself more than you ever have before?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something.

This reactive adaptation to narcissistic abuse is because the narcissist is ALWAYS finger pointing and shifting blame to YOU for ALL of the ups & downs both in the relationship AND in the narcissist’s personal psyche.
Because this relationship has NON EXISTENT boundaries, you will find YOURSELF constantly PUT UPON and FORCED to accept responsibility for things you didn’t do or say. This borrowed humiliation and shame is exactly what the narcissist intends for the victim to take from the narcissist. Their own unfelt core of shame.

2. CONFUSION

confusion

Just refer to the above explanation of self doubt and boundary transgression if you want to understand the CONFUSION that is part and…

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Do not go gentle into that good night


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

~Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions.

“Maybe I’m in hell right now…”


“Maybe I’m in hell right now, but you all knew I never believed in hell. The concept was created to keep us on track, and motivate us to do good. What if earth is hell? It sure felt that way.

What if everything we wanted was actually nothing? What if all the things we think are tangible, are actually figments of our imagination? What if life is actually death, and when we die we are truly alive? Wouldn’t that make more sense?

For if this is life, surely some of us wouldn’t inexplicably yearn for death so badly?”

~ Excerpt from An Open Suicide Letter

I’d like to believe


“I’d like to believe that there is healing.  It’s a wonderful notion; that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, that loss simply allows us to learn how better to appreciate what we do have for the time that we have it.  But… I don’t believe it anymore.  People often forget that what remains are memories, and that when a wound heals, it leaves a permanent scar that never fully goes away.  I will go on, as I always have done, because I simply have no other choice. But to be perfectly honest, I don’t know how long for because I don’t want to.”

~Anaveya Blackcrest.

Mano Saulė


Aš kasdien galvoju apie tave, mano gyvenimo meilė.  Aš rimtai, tu esi ypatingas.  Nepamiršk man karts nuo karto parašyti – kiek daug pokyčių įvyko ir aš tavęs labai ilgiousi.  Negaliu įsivaizduoti gyvenimo be tavęs, jis jaučiasi taip tuščias, tu nesate čia.

Taigi padėtis yra tokia bet mes niekur.  Tai ne tai, ką planuoja likimai.

Tikiuosi, kad vieną dieną, tikiuosi, kad mes iki to dar prieisime.  Mano pasaulis be tavęs – tamsu, tuščias, vienišas ir šaltas; jūs paėmėte saulės spindesį, mano šiluma, mano komfortas ir saugi vieta, mano namai.  

Tu esi mano namai ir tyla yra skausminga.  Noriu geriausio draugo atgal, mano mylimasis, mano kompanionas, mano pasaulis.  Niekada nesame matę nieko panašaus, šis ryšys.  Tu žinai, ir aš tai žinau.

Žinau, kad tai sudėtinga ir suprantu, kad tai nelengva, tačiau ir aš, ir jūs žinome, kad dar daug nepadaryta.

Prašau atleisk man.  Aš pasiklydau.  Aš vis tiek tau reikia.  Aš vis dar noriu tave.

Aš tavęs labai ilgiousi. Aš visada tave mylėsiu.

Atleisk man.