It is odd that we must be separated for this night. Tradition dictates that we do not see each other until the day of our union, the day that we pledge our life long promises of dedication to each other, in the presence of the Gods, the celebrants and our friends. Yet at this moment I would like to say “Tradition be damned!” and be wrapped in your arms once more before I sleep. I know that this cannot be and that you are not here for me to talk to right now, so this I can do instead. Talk as if you were here and leave this behind for you to read in my absence. At least I can take comfort in the fact that we are not to be apart for long this time.
Do you remember that night? The one where we had gathered with the others in celebration. Celebration of friends and family and new beginnings. There was so much noise and excitement that it was difficult to concentrate on any one thing, to focus on the words of the others, the laughter and singing, the dancing. But you were there at my side and with just a look and a smile only meant for me, everything else fell away. Almost as it did the first time we met. One look and you had my full attention as I also had yours. I remember that night you stole that first kiss that we ever shared, and it would be the last for quite some time. I never dared hope that it could or would happen again.
It seemed that we were fated to continue to cross paths, even after the Company’s doors opened to you and welcomed you into the fold. There was never a reason after that time, not in the beginning anyway, for us to see each other even half as often as we did. Yet that is exactly what happened. One day I simply stopped questioning it. You were just there. Wherever I was and more to the point, at the times when I thought I didn’t need anyone alongside me, you would be there, as if the Gods had answered my silent wishes themselves.
The one night we spent together under the stars, on that warm sand, wrapped in the warmth of only each other was one of the happiest of my entire existence. I asked you then what were we to do now, and you never replied. It was some time before we saw each other again. And while I had almost given up hope of such a meeting, it would not be the last time, as the fates would have it. On my arrival in Ishgard, there you were, again. Like my stalwart silent protector. My soft hearted gentle giant of a man. I almost realized then that you truly were mine, but I was still yet blind.
You never were and still aren’t a man of many words. It is but a small miracle you have managed to weather my incessant chatter and oft times outright silliness, but you have and you do, with a hearty laugh and sometimes even a roll of your eyes. You abide my manner and my behavior with absolute patience, laughter and love. No, you are not a man of many words, but your eyes speak volumes even so. You have always looked to me and your eyes would speak what your lips would not. I just didn’t realize that what I was seeing was fondness, and love.
Should I have taken the time to pay more attention to these things, then perhaps I would not have been so surprised when we stood above the clouds and you dropped to your knee to ask me if I would be your wife.
I still do not feel worthy. Your life was so simple before I stumbled into it, wasn’t it? While you admitted it had been many winters for you alone, I wonder what it was about me that allowed you to change your solitary life and choose to share it with me. I have little wealth to offer, no family to speak of, no past to share, no future path ahead of me and it both frightens and excites me that you want to forge that path with me, for us both. How lucky I am.
Rayden, I want you to be the last person I see before I close my eyes at night and the first that I see when I wake every morning the sun rises, always. So I want to tell you the following things, as promises I wish to make to you.
I will make mistakes. Many of them.
I will make you angry. I may even make you cry.
I will bore you to death with my sometimes incessant talking.
I will forever tease you for your lack of incessant talking.
I will always question your cryptic ideas and motives.
I will complain every single time you leave the toilet seat up.
I will often insist we run off to some far away corner of the world spontaneously and without reason.
But I will also stand beside you when you don’t want to talk to anyone else at public events.
I will hold your hand through any struggle, small or great. I know I am but a small figure but my resolve is as tall as the form you embody and shelter me with.
I will defend you to others, even if you are wrong.
I will be your friend. I will be your lover.
I will give in to your every whim and desire.
I will remind you every single day why you are special to me.
If you push me away, I will pull you right back.
Because everything that I am, and everything I have, belongs to you.
Long before, and forever after this.
I am yours.