Because you changed the way I see everything. I see and feel you everywhere, in the sunset, in the stars at night, a song on the radio, the numbers on a clock, my dreams. Everywhere. Nothing has been the same since the beginning, and nothing will ever be the same again. I still have a lot to smile about and be grateful for. Especially you. Knowing you, even if for a short time in the larger scheme of everything was nothing short of miraculously unexpected in every way. A one in a million chance, you might even say. The good times, happy days and memories of you far outweigh anything else. But God, do I miss you. Your absence is felt like a part of my actual self is missing. Time, no matter how much passes, will never change that.
I wrote a whole notebook of reasons why, just for and about you. I hope that means something to you, one day, or that it still exists, even. And I still miss you. You see, that’s what happens when you love someone, they’re never out of your thoughts for long, and every day without them just reminds you of their absence and you wonder how and what you did before they were there because you just don’t know what to do anymore now that they are not.
Because we still have so much to talk about, despite you saying there is nothing, or you have nothing. That’s okay, a little silence never hurt anyone. We’ll get back to talking about nothing and everything again soon. It’ll be worth waiting for. For now, I’d like to just sit beside you in silence and hold your hand. Let me do that, would you, please? We can just be, for now.
Because there is so much we’ve yet to do. Everything, in fact. I still want to bring you chocolate milk and cheese toasties when you’re hungry late at night. I still want to go out and watch movies with you. I still want to give you crappy massages. I still want to listen to and play music with you. I still want to laugh with you and have inside jokes with you that nobody else understands. I want to cook with you. I want to watch you sleeping when it’s the dead of night and I can’t. I want to go for walks with you and hold hands and show you all the places I like to walk. I want to see the snow with you. I still want to be the person you trust and tell everything to, whether it’s serious or silly. I still want to watch anime with you even though I don’t really like it but because I know you do. I still want to go on dates with you. I still want to be your best friend too. I want to learn from and about you, every day. I believe we can do these things. I have to. I know that you want them too.
Because I have never found enough words and still can’t and won’t for you to understand how I feel and how I feel about you. I have tried and they’re not enough. If I could do one thing right, I would be able to say something or do something so that you would know, really know. What I know is that nobody will love you the way that I do, and I hope you know that one day too. You say that I don’t understand anything, but I think it’s you that doesn’t. I hope you do one day. Please understand one day. Every word I’ve ever said meant more than you know. I hope you know that one day. I love you more than words. Please don’t forget me. Please don’t forget anything. Please remember every single day. And if you can’t, these words will always be here to remind you that I tried, should you revisit them sometimes. You always were and are everything to me.
Because I don’t see any part of any future without you and I don’t want to. It’s been that way since the beginning and always will be. You’ve changed me and the way I feel irrevocably. I never believed you could be real, and then you were.