Because there is so much we’ve yet to do. Everything, in fact. I still want to bring you chocolate milk and cheese toasties when you’re hungry late at night. I still want to go out and watch movies with you. I still want to give you crappy massages. I still want to listen to and play music with you. I still want to laugh with you and have inside jokes with you that nobody else understands. I want to cook with you. I want to watch you sleeping when it’s the dead of night and I can’t. I want to go for walks with you and hold hands and show you all the places I like to walk. I want to see the snow with you. I still want to be the person you trust and tell everything to, whether it’s serious or silly. I still want to watch anime with you even though I don’t really like it but because I know you do. I still want to go on dates with you. I still want to be your best friend too. I want to learn from and about you, every day. I believe we can do these things. I have to. I know that you want them too.
Because I have never found enough words and still can’t and won’t for you to understand how I feel and how I feel about you. I have tried and they’re not enough. If I could do one thing right, I would be able to say something or do something so that you would know, really know. What I know is that nobody will love you the way that I do, and I hope you know that one day too. You say that I don’t understand anything, but I think it’s you that doesn’t. I hope you do one day. Please understand one day. Every word I’ve ever said meant more than you know. I hope you know that one day. I love you more than words. Please don’t forget me. Please don’t forget anything. Please remember every single day. And if you can’t, these words will always be here to remind you that I tried, should you revisit them sometimes. You always were and are everything to me.
Because I don’t see any part of any future without you and I don’t want to. It’s been that way since the beginning and always will be. You’ve changed me and the way I feel irrevocably. I never believed you could be real, and then you were.
Quite simply, because you are special, you’re you, you are completely unique. I have never met anyone like you and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t want to. It’s always been you, since the beginning, and it always will be.
You make me want to write stories about you, every thought that fills my mind and then flows through my fingertips is you. I could write about you forever, and I probably will, you know. I wish I had the right things to say, to order my thoughts in such a way that you could understand, but I have a feeling that even though I don’t, you know my mind in a way that nobody else ever could or can, and somehow you know what I’m trying to say in all of this nonsense entirely, not jut now, but always. That’s so much a part of what makes you special, you just know me. And the parts that you don’t yet? They’ll come, in my heart of hearts I know they will. There’s still so much to learn, of each other, and it’s all just stories isn’t it? Sentence by sentence, page by page? It will all come together, somehow. I’ve never believed in that until now, until you. I love you.
“See you down in Arizona Bay.”
Because I’m still right here, even though you don’t need me anymore. I guess I hope that some day that will change again, and you might, even just a little bit. I couldn’t walk away if I tried and I hope you never make me.