More than friends?

Some time ago now a friend came to me and expressed that they had feelings for me well beyond friendship. We had been close friends for many years, and as such I really did consider them to be one of my best friends and my affections for them were akin to that between siblings. As such a lot was shared between us in a very safe, platonic way.

Whether right or wrong, I felt as if the whole comfortable little bubble of safe, no obligation purely platonic friendship was shattered. That I could not trust them anymore. What could we possibly talk about, or what could I share without it having a different meaning in the way it might be received, as opposed to before?

Maybe nothing could have or should have been different beyond that point. Perhaps our friendship should have remained as it had been for so many years, and I could or should have tactfully declined anything more than what had been. I did decline, for the record, and went on to say that never in a million years would we be anything more.

To make a long story short, let’s just suffice it to say that I reacted badly. I only ever in that situation took into consideration my own feelings on the whole incident, and not theirs. How about the huge amount of courage and trust in me that it took for them to come to me with those words, and declarations? I was, in fact aware of at least a little of their perspective on the situation but I was too selfish to express those things at the time, and if nothing else, it was actually extremely flattering.

The timing was also a little off and I was going through a very messy relationship breakup at the time. I wasn’t equipped to deal with my feelings on my own personal situation at hand let alone something different entirely. I am not trying to make excuses, but merely noting things down with a slightly different perspective now. Hindsight.

Months have gone by. I think it might be close to a year even, maybe more and recently that friend and I have slowly started to talk again and I realized that I carried a lot of guilt following my behavior when our friendship broke down.

I am simply sorry. I want them to know that I am sorry, truly. Good and true friends are extremely few and far between, and although I know that, my behavior can often reflect otherwise. I hope that I am forgiven, also.

Dear friend, you were missed.


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