The Persistence of Loss – Part Ten: Love, Life and the Treasures That Follow


[Reader warning and disclaimer: The following post contains themes of a sexual nature and is not suitable for younger audiences]

I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything.  Maybe we’re from the same star.”

Ana and Tindomiel

“Hello. Ana, wasn’t it?”

She stopped in her tracks for a moment, having intended to just leave the teachings quickly and quietly, avoiding if she could the usual moments that some of the others liked to have, standing around making small talk with one another, talking about the weather, or how wonderful their new robes looked, or even sometimes the things they’d just learned. But then he had followed, the man who had just moments earlier been as quiet as she, one who she’d not seen before until that evening, and one who she had, during the lesson noticed with a curiosity; and for some reason, were it the clothes he was wearing or the way he sat back and just listened, licking his lips from time to time, she’d been intrigued.

She nodded finally, and looked at him then, really looked at him, instead of her hands, or her feet, or the trees behind him, but at his face, and the way his eyes looked as they were intently fixed on her was unusual, it couldn’t not be noticed. They were a slightly acidic and almost glowing green, and she knew at once that he was not like the others, in this detail alone. And his face, his skin, there was something wrong with it. Not wrong exactly, but just different, and in this way also, he wasn’t like the others. The color of his skin was almost a deathly white, making the blood vessels and veins beneath look even more pronounced than they already were. Some urge to raise her hand to touch his cheek, wondering if she were to do so if she’d find the surface bumpy and grotesque or just odd, and then when he spoke again, she realized that she had probably been staring and she blinked a few times, inwardly telling herself to not blush. Do not blush.

“I overheard somebody refer to you by name, you see. And also, that you live in Shattrath. It’s a coincidence, really, if you do, because I do too.”

It wasn’t a very long conversation by any means, but nevertheless, when he mentioned that he had other business to attend to and would need to go, Ana felt a small twinge of disappointment. As she watched him walk away into the woods, she knew that inevitably she would see him again, for she’d learned that his name was Tindómiel Singsorrow, and he, like Tarcanus, was a Master of the Celestial Dawn’s order. What she hadn’t expected was that another meeting would come so soon, and it was only a few hours later in fact, when he, for the second time, approached her when the Order’s members gathered socially at the Darkmoon Faire.

And from that moment, despite even the fact that Tarcanus was returned to them later that evening after being kidnapped of all things, that everything and everyone else faded into the background, insignificant to some extent in the face of this charismatic, unusual man.

Tin and Ana DMFf

The very next night found them meeting again to talk and to drink at the World’s End tavern, the one place that was close to home for both of them, and each successive night that followed got longer and increasingly more difficult to bring to an end with them having to part ways.

Earlier in the evening that would later become the first night that the two of them actually spent together, the most unusual of conversations took place. It was revealed that Tindómiel Singsorrow was a master manipulator, and murderer, of sorts, and Ana herself wasn’t altogether unlike him in many ways, although their reasons and their means were, and it was this, oddly enough, even if she hadn’t considered herself to be his already, that seemed to seal the deal, as it were.

Just for clarity, of course, does this now mean that we are a ‘thing’?”

Yes, my love, this means that we are most definitely a ‘thing’.”

And it was the first time, that night, that she had ever even touched him, on his insistence, when he laughed softly as she stared at his face as she had done since the very first time they’d met.

“Go on and touch them, “he said, meaning the pronounced veins on his cheeks and forehead, and as her fingertips ran over the uneven surface of his skin, it occurred to her that had it been anyone else, she could or should have felt repulsed or deterred, but it was him, and no matter the reason that he felt and looked this way, and she did know what that reason was, she would never go anywhere. She was his, for the rest of her days. In her mind at least, that much had already been decided.

“I don’t want this night to end, “she murmured, her fingers still on his face, and he chuckled and shook his head before voicing his agreement.

“And neither do I, this night, or any other before it that you and I have spent.”

She allowed her hand to retract, dropping it to her lap and then reaching for his hand, lacing her fingers through his and she sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“After these nights, when we have to say goodbye, it is too quiet, too still, and honestly, I can’t bear to be alone.”

“It won’t be quiet tonight.”

“And how do you know that?” she laughed, “it is so, every night!”

“Because, well…”and he smirked and licked his lips as he so often did, and she laughed at his pause and elbowed him gently in the side as if to prompt him to finish.

“Because I know these things. And I know that it will not be quiet tonight, because I am going to spend the night with you.”

And sometime during that night, when warm, close cuddling and talking then turned into heated desire and the exploration of each others bodies, in which Ana discovered that it was not only Tindómiel’s face and hands that were altered but in fact every part of him, from head to toe, he had put pause on their lovemaking to tell her that he feared if they gave their bodies to each other that night then it might in some way cheapen what they had together.

I want you, Veya, Gods know I want you so very much, I do. But you see, you mean so much more to me than this one hurried fit of passion and need. Let us wait until it is perfect, no?”

The wait proved to be short, for all of his sentiment and her own resolve, just days later in fact, when it became apparent that there was no need to wait, because this would be the first time of many. And for Ana, it had not been the first time she had been with a man, but he would be her last.

Laying in that room, on the bed, not even a sheet to cover either of them, her eyes did wander from his face to appraise his entire bare form from head to toe, now seeing plainly what she could not see before. The line of hair trailing down from below his navel to .. her eyes back on his face, her stomach a mess of knots, she chewed on her lip, cheeks flushed a dark pink not from embarassment or self consciousness but from wanting him to touch her, wanting to touch him and oh Gods, why was he waiting? And then suddenly he was just there and his mouth was on hers and this time, unlike any other time they had kissed, this one was different and filled with an entirely new and desperate sense of urgency and desire so overwhelming that Ana’s head started to spin as his hands on her body were gentle yet still confident in their movements, and everywhere his hands touched her flesh it felt as though they were leaving burning trails in their wake. She was on fire, again, and his cool hands on her body, her back, her shoulders, as he kissed his way down her face, her jaw, her shoulders, his soft, gentle lips touching her where his hands hand been and the sensations were almost overwhelming.

She greedily soaked it all up, allowing her head to fall back, an audible low moan escaping her lips as his hand massaged her breast, and a moment later he pressed his knee between her legs as he shifted her towards the bed and whether it had been intentional or not she ground herself against it involuntarily but then she was lying down on the bed on her back and he was hovering over and she brought her own hands up finally running them over his body as he held himself above her covering her bare skin with kisses and touches, trailing over his belly, running her fingers in a circle around his navel, tracing the line of hair downwards reaching for … and she was distracted by his own hand tracing it’s own trail downwards along the curve of her hip, down her thigh, back up again and her thighs parted almost of their own accord before it changed it’s course at the last minute and he laid it on her cheek and shifted his body so it were more centered over her own and he smiled down at her tenderly. Her breath hitched in her throat after he’d readjusted himself over her and they were merely seconds away from being joined, and she could actually feel him pressing against here there and her breath became quicker and more labored as he asked her,

“Are you ready?”

And it wasn’t just her face that flushed anew this time, but her entire body filled with a rush of heat settling between her legs making her drop her knees further ready to let him in. She opened her mouth to actually answer him with yes, but the word wouldn’t actually form coherently enough to come out, her mouth was dry, her breathing so labored she couldn’t even manage it so she placed her hands on his chest, gained eye contact with him and nodded and he needed no further encouragement. Ana moaned softly as she lifted her knees and locked her legs around the small of his back, her feet resting there, pulling herself up, her body moving with his in a way completely foreign to her, it’s movements almost all their own as if instinctively it fell into it’s own rhythm to match his perfectly and it felt like they just fit, they were made for each other. Her body was meant to be owned by his and they truly were one.

And at some point she moved from under him and rolled over onto him and he and sat up, wrapping his arms around her back and supporting her, and as she wrapped her arms around his neck and threw her head back, eyes closed, one of them was making sounds, and then both, loud moans and whimpers and more moans and when her mouth opened and she began to utter his name over and over again, she realized that he was doing it too, “Veya.. oh Gods, Veya…”, it was both of them audibly voicing the sounds of their sheer enjoyment and then her body began to move with more urgency than before as she felt the first waves of pent up release begin to take hold of her body and when it completely reached it’s absolute peak she dug her fingers into the backs of his shoulders, crying out his name one last time before it was over, her body covered in a fine layer of sweat and she slowly moved from atop him at last, reluctant to break that contact with him but she finally lay on her side stretched out languidly beside him, her fingers tracing lines and circles over his chest and that is when he said it.

“… I love you.”

She smiled contentedly at him and pressed herself close, draping her arm across his belly and resting her head in the crook of his shoulder, and although it was the first time she’d actually heard the words and said them in return, it certainly wasn’t the first night that the emotion had been felt, just voiced.

And not too many days later, on a night not unlike the first they’d spent together, sitting bare-assed on a desk in their home, her legs wrapped around his waist, breathless and damp with sweat, he said,

“I want you with me every day of forever. Is it too soon, too soon , for such sentiments and well, what would you think if I were to ask…”

“Tindomiel, I am crazy about you, you silly man! It matters not to me whether it has been weeks or even days. I have never been happier than I am right now.”

“Then, will you? Will you marry me?”

“Yes. A thousand times, yes.”

There had been no nerves, no second thoughts, no reservations. Why would there be? Ana had found the one unobtainable thing that she hadn’t even realized she’d been searching for. And she had found that in Tindómiel. From that very first night in the woods, when he had approached her and said hello, everything had changed. If there had been one particular moment when she might have been caused to have anything that even resembled second thoughts, it was on the eve of the wedding itself, sitting on her horse beside Tindómiel at the gateway in the Eastern Plaguelands, which lead to the ruined city of Stratholme and it was then, and there that Tindómiel had revealed himself more fully to her.

Ana Tin EPL

This place is so wonderfully horrid, is it not? It’s like … death. Death is beautiful, right? Or it can be. But! Enough of that, are you nervous yet?”

Nervous about the wedding? No, not a bit. Are you?”

Not about the wedding. About you and me. As people, being able to see eye to eye. Whether any of what I do will conflict with your moral code. Problems of the mind, not of the heart.”

If there were a problem with whether we were able to see eye to eye, we might not even be here now. Literally and figuratively, no?”

Yes and no, I suppose. I mean, that depends on how you feel about … uh, well there’s no gentle way to put this, but slavery.”

You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that. As always. I assume this is why we’re here, that this is in some way going to explain your absence for the past several weeks? You might as well fill me in, thoroughly.”

Guldan did something that changed history. Slavery probably isn’t the right word, eternal servitude perhaps? He created servants by binding souls to inanimate objects and those were the driving force of those servants. You are marrying a very paranoid man, and so what follows is protection and solitary housing. I want to lock myself away from everyone, because I’m afraid of this place and what it stands for. Death. That’s why you wear that ring and that’s why I’m going to do everything I can to protect myself. Even if it means destroying the lives of others to do so, and resorting to such means such as pseudo-necromancy and the creation of entities with the likeness of Death Knights that were bound to servitude to Gul’dan.”

And he’d paused for a moment, smiling brightly before continuing.

That’s why I’ve been gone. I’ve found a power source that is pure and powerful enough to do such. I just need to capture it.”

Paranoid, Tindómiel, is somewhat of an understatement… and why, why are you telling me this now, on this night? Is this where I am supposed to run screaming now?”

“No, it is simply because I trust you, and this is my way of showing it. To let you understand my life’s goals. Crazy? Yes, probably. Definitely, even. But you also deserve to know given that we’re about to be wed, no?”

“…You could create an undead army the size of the Eastern Kingdoms itself, if it would ease your troubled mind, Dómi, and I would still never leave your side. Ever.”

No one knows why we fall in love and how we find that person, but everything changes when we do.  It something words cannot describe and feelings that are unique to whoever we find to share them with.  Although we all walk different paths in life, when we finally find someone to share that path with, each step seems a little lighter, each moment seems a little easier.  On some deep, spiritual level, we all intrinsically know when we have found something so pure, so genuine.  When we acknowledge and cultivate it into something shared, something nurtured, and something kindled, we have found it.  We’ve found love.”~Tarcanus Frostbourne.

The Vows

And now she stood in the city that was her home, before her friends and colleagues about to marry him. She looked up at the sky just for a moment and closed her eyes, wondering if her mother, her father or even her brother were watching down on her somehow and found comfort for the first time in many years, that if they were, they would have been happy and proud.  She took Tindómiel’s hands and listened to his vows and they would be words she would remember to her last day.

Love, life and the treasures that follow. Not physical, literal treasures but the affection, the feeling and the embrace of someone that cares about you. Even in my chaotic fury, my unending torment, and my despicable means I have you, Veya, and that’s what you are. A treasure, you are a treasure I can hold and you gleam, not with gold and not with precious gemstones. You give me pride, because you are greater than me.

You have a will that is stronger, and you have the means to protect and avenge. It is through these means that your charisma is fueled, and it is because of that charisma that I branched out and spoke to you that Friday night in Eversong during Tarc’s teachings. It is because of this charisma that I feel the need to be honest with you; and because of that honesty, honestly I feel safe with you. A comfort I’ve not known before.

You give me hope, hope that I am not lost and in turn able to be amongst the masses. This is why I will do, and am doing everything I can to reciprocate those means. I will let no harm come to you, because you will let no harm come to me. I am yours, solely, and worlds will have to be broken before that will change.

I will aspire to you, because you do not deserve something that is less than my every last aching amount of effort and sincerity. Most importantly, though, I will never stop loving you. Love, in my eyes, is to sacrifice everything for the people you love, which is why I will sacrifice everything for you, even if it is just to protect you. I will cherish that feeling, as I hope you will too.

And later that night, they had travelled to Uldum, spent their first night as man and wife, under the stars, and before they had both fallen asleep, he’d wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to conform to his shape and he’d pressed his lips to the back of her neck. She had wriggled back to mould herself to fit him where he lay, pulling his arm across and around her waist so she could interlace her fingers with his, and she’d rested her head on her other arm, closing her eyes and sighing contentedly, for now.

“We must cherish this and these coming days, and every day thereafter, for nothing is more precious, “he’d told her, “I love you, Lady Singsorrow, less today than tomorrow. And more two days from now, than tomorrow. You are my stars, shining ever brightly in the sky and no one shall take you from me.”

And then he was gone.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she groggily turned her head from first one side to the other, blinking slowly as she woke from her nap, and turning towards the window beside the sofa on which she’d fallen asleep in the Estate’s common room, she was reminded as she took in the view, that she was world’s away from Terokkar and Shattrath itself. The rolling green of the grass and the fading sun was everything in contrast to the grounds of the Singsorrow’s land and she was suddenly terribly homesick.

Reminiscing, or dreaming for such a long time as she had just done was something that Ana found a little less painful to do now without completely falling apart, but it was by no means easy. Time enough had now passed that allowed her the luxury of being able to look back and remember the happy times, the unique moments that the two of them had shared. Words spoken, looks given to the other that had conveyed a thousand times more than words every could, small touches and gestures that could not and would not ever be replaced. But nothing would ever soothe her mind completely other than absolute clarity. Without a definite reason why, just weeks following her wedding, that she had woken up to find Tindómiel’s side of the bed empty and a feeling of dread at the very center of her being.

I need to return to my roots, to separate myself from the others. I’ve found myself. All this chaos may finally come to an end. “

But would the chaos ever end? Without an answer, no. Not for her, not ever. She knew that her friends, her family and her colleagues for the most part wished her well, and some encouraged her to move on, or tried to placate her with well wishes and assurances that she would love again, and that she would and could be happy, but what she had shared with him, with Tindómiel Singsorrow, had been like an illness, and not a terminal illness, but something chronic, one from which you simply never entirely recover.

Love, life and the treasures that follow.”

Not anymore. Now, more aptly, it was love, life and the unending sorrows that follow. She curled her fingers around the soulstone ring hanging from the chain inside her robe and one last thought crossed her mind.

The convenience is strong with that one. Masterful, even. 

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